Diary: 11/25/2001

We realize that some of you are living in Switzerland vicariously through these emails. In the spirit of sharing more of that experience, I would welcome you to reproduce the move-in process we've been going through. It is extremely educational and even amusing (for those watching). Follow these easy steps:

******
First, obtain one live cranky gorilla.

Now put the gorilla in your house along with several hundred boxes and ask the gorilla to pack all your stuff into the boxes. You might have to entice the gorilla with food, alcohol, etc. (Do not be fooled into thinking that regular moving companies do not work the same way!).

After 2 days, take all the boxes out of your house. Take all the stuff the gorilla forgot to pack and throw it away.

Close off enough rooms in your house so that you now have half the space you did before.

Remove all closets in the remaining rooms.

Remove all cupboards except those in the kitchen.

In the kitchen, remove 1/3 of the cubpboards, block off half your oven, and only use the top 3 shelves in your refrigerator.

Play "slappy face" with the gorilla for 3 minutes. This will simulate the process of forgetting what stuff you packed and what stuff you left in storage.

Send the gorilla back to wherever you found it.

Bring all the boxes back into your "new" house and unpack them.
******

All joking aside, this was one of the hardest weeks yet for us. Unpacking often meant reminiscing as well, and it was hard not to feel regret for the things we had given up to be here. On top of that was the logistical issue of where to squeeze everything. Things that could not be placed had to be repacked and stored away, which was also a difficult process. And then there was the problem of the items that either came unwanted, did not come, or some parts came and others did not.

On top of that, the dryer is still not working reliably (although repaires are being made and we hope to have it back in order by Tuesday).

And finally we were working as we always do to make a "normal", consistant, stable environment for the kids. This takes time as much as any other task, and that meant time lost from the necessary process of settling the house.

Through it all, the people here - Leon's coworkers and the familes we met at school - have been overwhelmingly supportive. Coming to help move the larger items, helping to set up equipment, and picking up the girls so they had some play time in the midst of all this chaos.

We also spent a lot of time this week cooking - there were thanksgiving celebrations on both Thursday and Saturday, and dishes had to be prepared for each. It took time away from unpacking, but it was also nice to spend that time with other expats and talk, relax, etc.

On Saturday, Leon went out and purchased a satelite TV system. It seems that this is going to be the only way for us to receive English-language TV. Cable is in the area, but it hasn't been run to our house and would cost over 3,000 francs to get it there. It is actually easier and simpler to use a satelite. Go figure.

By the end of the week, we had almost everything out of boxes (and some things back into boxes!), and several rooms were pretty much finished. This week we will spend time getting the last items in place, and hopefully even doing the "little" things like hanging pictures. It's taken a lot of work, but we're getting there!

Love,
Debbie, Leon, Heather, Isabelle, and Joram

Diary: 11/18/2001

Dear friends and family:

Although exhaustion competes with my natural desire to keep talking, Debbie has asked that I try to make the extra effort and get this email out, as we haven't had a chance to communicate with anyone for a few days. So here is the whole sordid affair, starting on Sunday night as we packed for the move:

From the "honey, where'd I put my brain" files: While we moved in on Nov 12, we didn't officially take ownership until Dec 1. This meant that we had to pay the previuos tenents for the balance of November - a sum of about 1800 swiss francs. Added to that was the cost of some of the things we bought from the owners, like the lawnmower, swingset, etc. All together, it came to 2390 swiss francs, or $1466. We had the money ready to go, in an envelope marked with the family's name. We had to give cash because checks are virtually unheard of here.

Debbie gave the envelope to Leon for safekeeping. This, of course, was a mistake.

Picture the scene at 9:30pm Sunday night, Leon and Debbie frantically searching through every concievable location for this envelope full of cash. We unpacked nearly every box Leon had so neatly packed over the last 2 days. We went through the garbage (did we mention there are no dispose-alls here?), we looked under beds and inside drawers.

Sparing you the ugly details, it turns out that the envelope was in the box packed specifically with the things we would need the instant we walked into the house: towels, food for Joram, cleaning supplies, a wad of cash, etc. Right where Leon knew we'd need it. And had no recollection of ever putting it there. It just goes to show you that if Leon says "I am going to put this someplace clever" you should be very very very very worried.

On Monday, we arrived for the "etat de lieu". This is basically the Spanish Inquisition with a white glove test thrown in for spice. And it's less fun for everyone, including the Inquisitor, who probably isn't paid nearly enough to check under someone else's toilet to make sure it has been cleaned to the "Swiss Standard". Every doorknob, every faucet, every switch and plug and receptacle is tested, checked for cleanliness, and any problems, real or imagined, are charged back to the owner (or previous tenant). It is a 2 hour recrimination of everything you have ever done, eaten, or said in the house since the day you moved in. As you might imagine, the Swiss love this sort of thing.

Having survived that, we began to move in and find all the things that the Inquisition missed. Like the washing machine that didn't work (they never actually ran a load, just made sure it was present. They also didn't do a carbon argon date test, because the machine was built somewhere around the pliestoscene era.). In any case, our stuff from the temporary apartment was brought up on Monday, and we had it basically arranged by that night.

Tuesday morning, the truck arrived with our things from the US. The blessed "boat shipment", the boxes we had all been waiting for. We unloaded it and began to organize. Only to have another, bigger truck come. We had lots of stuff. Lots and lots and lots and lots of stuff. We began to worry whether the house foundation would hold up.

The deluge ended around 2:00, and we started the first feable attempts at organizing. That's when we realized that the packing company from the U.S. had not done the stellar job we were hoping for. Not much was broken, but we have several items that we really never intended to bring. Like our good glass dinnerware (service for 24), lazy-boy reclining chair, toaster oven, electric grill, and the 3/4 empty jar of peanut butter.

However, we were finally able to sleep the night in our beds, something we hadn't done in over 4 months.

Of course, "sleep" was a euphamism for "lay in our bed listening to the new house sounds, jumping at everything". And there was lots to jump at. A strong windstorm had arrived to welcome us into the house, and we discovered every loose shutter, every drafty window, etc as the winds whipped around us and moved everything that wasn't tied down.

On Wednesday, we spent most of the time just shoving boxes around into the right place to start unpacking. Leon made a run to the hardware store to pick up several items that we either forgot or which didn't make it (it's probably in long-term storage instead of that peanut butter jar. It all works out in the cosmic balance). A friend of ours came over and she and Debbie made a very productive start of organizing the food we had shipped over. Yes food. We were aware that Switzerland had grocery stores (at least one or two), but we also knew there were things we wanted. And finally, what else were we going to do with all the stuff from the old house, put it in storage? Remember, we packed the house in just one week, so there wasn't time to have the Last Big Pot Luck Supper and please-take-our-stuff Raffle we had hoped for.

Thursday morning we really had no time to think about the house. After dropping the girls at school, we had to lock up, clean up, and pack up for our trip to London! We picked up the girls around noon and headed out for the airport. The flight was basically uneventful (although you should never fly an airline named "easyjet" if you are looking for luxury travel!)

Even with an hour difference, we still arrived relatively late in the day. We made it from the airport to the train station near where we were staying, and then the short walk to the actual bed and breakfast. This was a shabby, but servicable place that had a room big enough for all of us to fit comfortably as long as everybody didn't try to walk around at the same time.

There are a couple of things that must be stated about London, which made this trip worthwhile regardless of anything else we experienced: Starbuck's cafe mocha. Bangers and mash. Spotted dick. Fried eggs. Starbuck's cafe mocha. Everyone speaking English. A proper, well-organized subway system. Starbuck's cafe mocha.

The "everyone speaking English" cannot be over-emphasized. Leon was walking down the street asking questions of strangers just because he could (not as bad as "do you have prince albert in a can", but along the lines of "that street over there, is that St. George's Drive?", "how far to Big Ben", etc).

On Friday morning, we set out for Buckingham Palace to watch the changing of the guard. The crowds were amazing (in some cases more amazing to watch than the actual guard). Then there was the part where the Royal Band started playing a medley of show tunes (I've got rhythm, someone to watch over me, etc). Not what we had imagined, but fun none the less.

As impressive as it all was, the kids (and some of the adults) were more impressed seeing the Harry Potter advertisement on the entire side of a double-decker bus. It sort of put our reason for being there into perspective.

Speaking of the Harry Potter movie, it was a great experience. In the end, it wasn't so different from the experience everyone had in the U.S. - we went to a cineplex in a mall and watched it with a million screaming schoolkids around us. There were a few minor differences, perhaps. Whenever Snape came on screen, all the kids hissed at him. And there were comments of "I'm going to try that tomorrow" when Harry walked through the wall at King's Cross Station. But otherwise, the movie ran the same everywhere.

As to our opinions of the movie, they are all relatively positive. Leon thought it was a good solid attempt to bring a book to life. Heather and Isabelle thought it was the best movie ever. Joram thought that standing on a squishy chair, being hand-fed popcorn by Mommy, and running up and down a long ramp for 2 hours straight while watching big pictures is a great idea and he's willing to try it again any time. Debbie is just waiting for the movie to come to video so she can actually watch it.

We woke up the next day and went to the Portobello Market, which is a weekly antique fair on (you guessed it) Portobello street, and then took a quick run to Picadilly Circus just to say we were there. Then it was time to get back to the airport.

The home trip was fine, and we were back in our own beds again!

Sunday was very hard for us all. Heather had to wade through a pile of homework, which was never fun. Isabelle had to deal with having nobody really to play with. And Leon and Debbie were coping both with the reality of unpacking a house (again), trying to make a home, and another wave of culture shock. We also discovered that the cloths dryer didn't work (we had replaced the washing machine but we still couldn't get our laundry done - very frustrating!) and we have much much more to deal with this coming week, we are sure. By the end of the day, we had unpacked many boxes, arranged the family room area, and started to get a grip on the items we still need (cabinets for the bathrooms, more light bulbs, etc).

This week we expect to be equally busy, as we are going to be continuing to unpack, build furniture, arranged, unbox, rebox, move, and settle. Oh, and then there is Thanksgiving!

Actually, turkey-day will be a welcome break. Another American family is having us over on Thursday, and then all of the expatriates are invited to a Nestle-organized event on Saturday.

But that's a story for the next letter.

Please take care of yourselves, and have a happy and healthy week.

Love
Debbie, Leon, Heather, Isabelle, and Joram

Diary: 11/11/2001

Dear friends and family:

While it was a relatively slow week, we cannot express the excitement that we are feeling at this moment. The cars have been packed for a day and a half now, most of our cloths are in suitcases, and we are literally counting down the hours until the movers arrive. Tomorrow we start moving into the new house!

While we won't be able to sleep there Monday night (the boat shipment with all our furniture arrives Tuesday) we will still be in process, and that is much better than just marking time like we have been for 2 months. Wish us luck.

It also means that we might not be as responsive via email as we are normally. Leon is taking the entire week off, so instant email replies will not be happening.

Of course, we've pre-ordered the cablemodem connection, so once everything is in place we will have MORE connectivity and Leon can start updating the web site with pictures, stories, and maybe even some movie clips.

On top of all that excitement, next Friday marks the official opening of the Harry Potter movie. We will be flying to London on Thursday afternoon, we'll catch the changing of the guard (one of Debbie's lifelong dreams to see), and then watch the movie. Saturday we'll find something to do (grin) and fly home in the evening and.... unpack some more, we're sure.

Either it will be a welcome break in the unpacking process and we will return refreshed and invigorated, or else it will send us over the edge and we'll be formally institutionalized by Monday the week after. We'll let you know either way.

For those who missed it, here is our new contact information:

Adato Family
Chemin de l'Orme 14
1054 Morrens
Switzerland

Our new home phone number is 41-21-731-2328

For those who are interested, "Morrens" is pronounced "Mo-ron". Yes, we live in the village of Morons. Somehow it seems all too appropriate to be funny.

The weather here has turned colder, hovering around the freezing point. We had a quick snowfall on Friday, but it passed just as quickly and there is really nothing left to show for it.

The kids are being their usual wonderful selves. They are also very excited to be in a place that has room to play, run around, and get away from Mom and Dad!

Joram has started a growth and development spurt. He is walking much more, much further, and with greater stability than even last week. His babbling has increased, and he shows a lot more signs of understanding what is said to him. Please note that "understanding" and "obeying" are two entirely different words and should not be mixed. Just because Joram understands "come over here" does not stop him from giggling and running away. (ok, perhaps that's an overly athletic description. "dodders and careens from wall to wall" is more accurate). Debbie feels that this is a direct indication of Leon's DNA and bears no resemblance to her genome.

In any case, things are just moving along. Expect a long letter next week as Leon gives a frame-by-frame recount of the HP movie, plus the move highlights, plus whatever other insanity happens to catch us along the way.

As always, we hope this letter finds everyone in good health and spirits.
Take care.
Love
Debbie, Leon, Heather, Isabelle, and Joram

Diary: 11/4/2001

Dear friends and family:

We knew that this week would not have a lot of major news in it, so we've taken a moment to being the official "Adato FAQ". "FAQ" stands for "Frequently Asked Questions". Here goes:

Q) Why can't you send or post some pictures?
A) Because we are living in a temporary apartment and the only link we have to the world is one measly laptop. We had figured on being into our permanent place (with all Leon's equipment) much sooner than this. The scanner, digital camera reader, and other technical froo-froo is all locked up in the boat shipment. Nobody is more sorry than we are. But rest assured that, as soon as we are in the house and unpacked, the pictures will start flowing!

Q) When can we email the kids
A) Once we are in the house and the network is set up, the girls will have a computer of their own to work with. At that point we'll set up some easy email access and we'll let everyone know the addresses.

Q) We want to hear from Debbie
A) you do she is right next to leon as we write every note but leon preferrs to do the writing because if he didnt then everything would look like this because debbie doesnt like to be bothered with silly things like punctuation or captial letters or stuff like that so when you get a letter from her it will always be one long sentence so to save everyone a little bit of eyesight leon edits everything and adds the boring stuff also that means that when you read the letter you dont have the urge to yell BREATH at the computer

Q) Swiss jokes
A) Yes, we have a Swiss Army Knife. And we eat Swiss cheese. We would drink Swissmiss cocoa for a joke, but honestly Debbie's doctored-up Nestle cocoa is much better. We have been given or at least considered all those things with "Swiss" in the name. Our deepst thanks to the Rob and family for outfitting us with most of that stuff (and a few things we never thought of, like Little Debbie Swiss Rolls) before we left. The one exception would be liederhosen. At no time will you see the male members of the Adato Tribe dressed up like Peter Pan after his tights were shrunk in the wash. It's just not happening.

Q) Do you get American TV shows
A) yes and no. We get lots of news - mostly CNN and MSNBC. Once we are in the house we could get a satelite dish and pick up regular US programming like ER and that new Star Trek show. But on regular cable, it's not going to happen. As for sports, we never watched much of it to begin with. I know that is blasphemy to the ears of some of you. Please try to find it in your heart to forgive. Aside from that, there are reruns of US shows, dubbed over in French or German. All in all this is not satisfying entertainment fare.

Q) Ok, so what's the big deal with Baking Soda
A) In Leon's very limited understanding, most of the baking Debbie creates (tollhouse cookies, etc) requires it as a key ingredient. Here, people don't use it as much because cakes and pastry is not a big deal. Things tend to be more flat (crepes, pies, etc). So you can only get baking soda (bicarbonate de soda, in French) in small packets that are meant for people with upset tummies, not perfectly good tummies they want to upset by eating the equivalent of an entire Sarah Lee pound cake.

Q) What do you miss most
A) Everything. Especially you. Please ease our emotional pain by coming to visit. Soon.
*******
There you have it, the very first installment of the "Adato FAQ".

In other news, Halloween was a great success. We can't say that we visited a ton of houses, but Isabelle had a birthday party which was extremely festive, and then the girls and several friends went to an apartment block and went door to door for about an hour. Between that and last Sunday's party, we were pretty satisfied with the holiday. The only real shortcoming was the total lack of pumpkins. Normally Leon buys 5 or 6 (or 10) of them and has a fun old time baking the seeds. This year we are seedless. Next year, however, is a chance to make up for lost time.

Aside from that, Thursday and Friday were exciting because Leon had the day off, but the girls were in school. This meant the time could be spent shopping for all those things we needed for the new house but didn't have. Like 7 wardrobes, a microwave, a vacuum cleaner, a toaster oven, and a television. While we were at it, we picked up a new hair dryer, a cordless phone, and an answering machine. Yes, we said 7 (s-e-v-e-n, appears between 6 and 8) wardrobes. It seems that in this country, houses don't come with closets, you have to bring your own.

We spent Saturday cleaning house (for the last time here!!!), and doing some shopping. In the process, we discovered another "quaint quirk" about living in Switzerland. Bank cards are used like debit cards here, with the money directly withdrawn from your account. This is a major means of payment around here, and you can use them to pay for parking, groceries, bus fare, and even use them in some pop machines. This week we discovered that there is a limit - 2,000 per month. Period. When you hit the limit, you are out of luck. You can't even use the card to withdraw money from the bank machine. Leon was out of luck at the grocery store. Of course, at the time we didn't know it, so it just seemed like we were out of money. Talk about panic! It's still not fun, since we have to carry around a boatload of cash for the rest of the month, but at last we aren't out of money.

Today we spent time with some friends, eating pancakes and watching the kids run around.

This coming week, Leon is in a training class during work, and Debbie has about 900 meetings to go to (PTA, Year 2 Moms, American Women's Club, etc). On top of that we are spending a lot of time just getting ready for the move next week.

Diary: 10/28/2001

Dear friends and family:

It was a relatively quiet week, compared to tromping around Disney, but we still had plenty of little things going on that are worth mentioning.

Just as a reminder, Leon's car is bright (banana) yellow. It should also be pointed out that official post-office vehicles are yellow as well, but (usually) sport a red plus and the word "post" on the side, font, back, etc. However, the absence of the red markings didn't stop someone this week from flagging Leon to the side of the road and trying to hand him his mail. "Vous etez la post?" (You are the postman) he asked. It took a great deal of strength for Leon to contain the laughter until he had driven a little further down the road. Of course, Debbie is keeping the joke going. Every time we turn the corner to our apartment, she comments "Oh look, the mail is here!".

While it may sound trivial, another exciting event this week was the opening of the largest shopping mart in Switzerland. This has been a much-anticipated event for some time. In fact, the traffic was so bad, that they closed a major road and used it for parking. Debbie was there early in the day and made some amazing finds, like a box of baking powder. OK, so perhaps our perspective on life has become a little twisted, that a box of baking powder would cause euphoria.

On Wednesday we picked up some furniture for the new house. Not without risk and danger was this endeavor, however. First of all, there is no "U-Haul" around here. We ended up renting a moving truck from "Joes truck on the street" company. We are not making this up. There's this guy (OK, his name is Boudin, not Joe) and he has a truck. You call him on his cell phone, reserve a time, and meet him on this street. You give him cash, he gives you keys, and you drive away with a truck. He trusts you to bring back the truck and you trust him not to ambush you with 3 of his friends.

Did we mention that this is a stick-shift truck? Neither did he. He also forgot the part about "no power steering". So through the (narrow) streets of Swiss villages, up and down hills Leon went.

A couple of friends had graciously offered to help out, so the actual move only took 3 hours. Then Debbie fed everyone a great meal, and we called it a night around midnight.

Also on Wednesday, Heather and Isabelle had their "Vesting" ceremony. This was very nice, and the girls seem very exciting to be part of a troup again.

On Friday, Heather took a field trip to Bern (about an hour away). This is the capital of Switzerland (nope, it's not Geneva *or* Zurich) and has some wonderful buildings, museums, and markets. There are also , according to Heather, bears. Real live living-in-a-bear-pit bears that are fed solely by school field trips, who are told to bring carrots and apples by the bushel. If you ask Heather about the field trip, you will most likely hear a chew-by-chew description of what the bears ate. Oh, and you'll also hear about the taxi-dermist, and all the "real-life dead stuffed animails" you can find in the museum.

Aside from those items, we are getting ready for Halloween. Today we had a carnival at school, and this week there are various events hosted by women's clubs and private groups.

Today we also discovered that Joram is cutting a couple of molars, which means that his (and our) days are filled with joy and happiness. As long as we keep him medicated.

Next week we are just trying to get ready for this next move. Thursday and Friday are small holidays, and Leon is off from work, so we plan to take advantage of the time and pick up those items we still need for the house (TV, wardrobes, microwave, vacuum, etc).

Please keep the email coming. It is great to stay up with everyone's doings. We are also waiting for people to start making reservations at Chez Adato. If you have plans to come out here, let us know so we can start getting excited.

Diary: 10/20/2001

Well, we are home, safe and sound, and ready to tell-all about our first European trip.

As we said in the last email, Disneyland Paris was wonderful. Everyone was very friendly, including the other guests, and there were lots of English-speaking staff (although this was not universal, which we thought was appropriate).

The Park was decked out for Halloween, and there were two parades every day - one for Halloween and the "regular" one with the Disney characters. The entire "Frontierland" part of the park (where the haunted mansion is found) was re-named "HalloweenTown" and completely redecorated and rethemed as an old-west ghost town.

On one of the days, we took 2 hours to get a detailed tour of the park, which gave us some insights we might have missed (the Sleeping Beauty castle in Paris is the only one painted pink; if you listen to the old fashioned phones on mainstreet you can hear people gossiping; etc.)

We had 7 full days to explore the park, and although the guide books say you can "do" the park in 2 or 3 days, this was much better. We had time to go through each of the areas, ride things 4 or 5 times if we wanted, spend time just hanging out and watching people, etc.

Oh, and Joram learned to walk.

There was a "Mulan Show" put on by a Chinese acrobatic troupe that was phenominal, and we ended up seeing it 5 times (it was also located in one of the less-expensive eating areas, which didn't hurt).

As mentioned in last week's note, "It's a small world" was closed. But we found out on our tour that this is due to the re-decorating for the Christmass holiday, not because of any special curse/blessing on Leon.

One of the new gimmicks the park has is trading pins. You can buy these little pins (disney characters, logos for each of the park areas, etc) and then go up to any employee and trade with them. Each employee gets a set of pins each morning, some with real collectors-item pins on them, and they go through their day trading with all the guests. It sounds hokey, but it was really great. From our perspective, it served 2 purposes:
1) It put the kids in contact with ALL the park employees (and vice-versa). The folks sweeping trash were just as important as the people working the desk at "City Hall" or doing guided tours.

2) During those odd moments when you had nothing to do (or nothing to do yet because you were waiting for a show to open up) the kids were still very occupied trying to find employees to trade with.

We stayed at the Cheyanne, which is the second-cheapest hotel in the park. It served our purpose, and the rooms automatically came with bunkbeds and a queen bed (and a crib on request), so we didn't need an extra room. However the staff was the least enthusiastic of anyone we had met, and the crowds of people staying there frequently acted like manners were unimportant if you weren't in the park. We are still debating whether we would go back there again or spend more on a higher-end room.

One thing we will do again is visit the actual Disney Hotel for dinner! We splurged on Thursday night and checked out their buffet. It was $40 an adult, but it was an all-you-can-eat extravaganza with food that was excellent and non-stop visits by the disney characters. We were afraid that the girls would end up missing dinner, but even that aspect was handled well. The characters visited each table, and "encouraged" the more excited kids to wait until they came around. In this way you got a personal chance for pictures and interaction, and you could eat your meal in relative peace.

There were some low-points to our trip, and we would be remiss in our narrative if we didn't cover it at least a little.

First of all, after Tuesday Leon avoided all trees. Apparently "Disney Magic" does not extend to the digestive tract of the park birds. While waiting to get on the Peter Pan ride (for the 4th time), a rude avian attack fell onto Leon's head. In addition to being disgusting, it made Leon the butt (pun intended) of Debbie's jokes for the rest of the day. Leon is considering writing a letter of complaint and demanding restitution. Although it is unclear what kind of restitution one would get from bird-poop. Even now, days later, reading this paragraph sends Debbie into fits of laughter. Life at home may never be the same. On the plus side, the kids never figured out what Mommy was laughing about. And we'll all keep it that way, right folks?

On a more serious note, after a hard day of pin-trading Friday, Isabelle lost her set of pins 15 minutes before the park closed. Of course, she had finally managed to trade herself into the perfect set of Pooh-themed pins. While we placed a "lost and found" report, Debbie and Leon ended up buying a new set.

The worst point in the trip came at the very end. This comes down to Leon's math skills and both of our inexperience with the military time that Europe seems to run on. One more time for Leon's benefit: "20:42" is NOT "10:42pm"!!! But we thought it was, so we showed up at the train station 2 hours late, and life became very tense.

In the end, everything worked out OK. It was just stressful. We returned to the hotel and got a room (we were lucky it was the "low" season and things weren't very busy) and tried to get some sleep. The girls were exhausted (we had kept them up until 11:00pm at this point!), but the adults had a hard time sleeping. It is one thing to know that, by hook or by crook, you can get yourself home. It is another to feel good enough to sleep when you have no idea when or how you will actually get there.

In the morning, Leon ran down to the train station at 6:30am, and got another train back to Geneva at 7:45am. That meant Leon had to race back to the hotel, wake everyone else up, franticly re-pack and then get to the train station. Which we did, with 5 minutes to spare. Ultimately, we breathed a collective sigh of relief at 2:00pm, when we arrived back at the apartment.

We've spent the rest of our weekend restocking the fridge, cleaning up a bit, doing mounds of laundry, and just de-compressing.

Joram also used his first repeatable, deliberate word with meaning today (Sunday). It was "more" and it was in sign language. And he was asking for more Macaroni and Cheese.

Many people have asked us how things are going here in regard being "Americans Abroad", in regard to the safety of travel, etc. So we thought we'd take a moment and give our perspective.

In a nutshell, things here in Switzerland are very calm and very quiet. While the news does talk about the war on terror, it is not the only story, and is not even the first story. As Americans, we do not feel like we are at risk here in any way (except trying to drive with the other crazy people on the roads here).

In France, the atmosphere was a little bit more tense. There had been rumors of an attack on "a US landmark" on October 18, which could have been Disney. In the park, security had been increased recently, but it was far from noticable to us. Only the park staff could point out the plain-cloths guards, or the changes that had been made.

We know that this is neither the mood or feeling in the US, and we regret every day that we can't be there in person to help out in some way.

Our plans for this week are relatively low-key. On Wednesday the girls have a "Vesting" ceremony for girlscouts, and Heather has a field trip to Berne (a couple of hours away). But otherwise things are quiet. We are slowly decorating for Halloween, mostly with home-made decorations courtesy of H & I Designs, Inc. We believe now that we'll get into the house in Morrens on November 12, which will be a huge thrill for us. So we are making lists of what we need to buy, and are slowly collecting ourselves for the next big push. In our mind's eye we are visualizing ourselves on our couches in front of the fireplace, sipping sweet wine, looking out the windows onto starlit farmlands. Right now this image keeps us going.

As always, we'll keep you all posted.
Love,
Debbie, Leon, Heather, Isabelle, and Joram

Diary: 10/14/2001

Dear Friends and Family,

Sorry for the delay on this week's note. We're high atop Disneyland Paris right now, and had a hard time getting the computer stuff to work. Actually, most evenings we were just too tired to even thing about it.

Last week was actually week was pretty slow. We are still not sure whether we will move into the house in Morrens on the 12 or 19 (it depends on how fast the current tenants can get in a cleaning company), but we know that every day the temporary apartment seems smaller and smaller. As with last week, Debbie is making an effort to get out at least once a week and find something she has wanted to see - there is another US Mom who feels "terminally lost", and the two of them venture the wilds of Lausanne together.

Between that and school-based functions - each grade has a coffee morning for parents once a month, so that's two meetings a month right there - plus party planning, etc, and she is driving around quite a bit.

The girls are flourishing at school. Heather is conquering long division, has improved her penmanship (the teacher runs sessions on calligraphy, but only to the children with good writing), and is digesting French. Not much is coming out yet, but you can see it in there, processing. Isabelle is busy getting a jump on reading and writing, with a little math thrown in. She is also digesting French, but we are hearing more of it come out and our Swiss friends tell us that what she says, she says clearly and with a perfect accent. Both girls are maintaining the tradition (started by Heather) of nearly perfect scores on all spelling tests. They both also continue the tradition of NEVER using that skill when they actually write. Hmmmm.

Joram is also doing well. He's still not really walking, but we're getting steps in between crawls. And he is able to get up to a stand without pulling up. He is very proud of this accomplishment, and usually gets very excited, waves his hands, and falls flat on his tuchas again. This does not usually bother him though.

Leon's work has finally moved into the next phase of development, which is a relief. He had been stuck in the never-ending Quality Assurance test, but everything that was designed starting back in February has finally been approved, and now his group can start building a new team and designing the sequel.

So the week was slow, nothing much noteworthy. Then on Saturday morning we woke the kids at 6:00am, shuttled them off to the car, and drove an hour to Geneva. From there we parked the car at the airport (long term parking) and took a shuttle to the train station. From there we got onto a Thalys train. At this point, the kids were thoroughly confused about where we were going and what we were doing. Heather guessed we were flying to Florida to see Memah (who was herself visiting all the family down there). Isabelle guessed we were going to London (until we reminded her that was next month).

So we had to drop some hints. The first hint was that we packed their Pooh Ears. For those who haven't see them, these are the equivalent of Mickey Mouse ears but are much cuter and, well, Pooh!

The second hint were two large chocolate Mickeys. At this point the children were making the rest of the train car stare (they were screaming), so the chocolate was a good way to quiet them down. Except for Joram, who started screaming because he wanted the chocolate too.

No, we didn't.

Yes, we are evil. Anyone who would like to call 696-KIDS may do so, since we are safely out of the country.

We arrived at the Disneyland complex under sunny skies and 70 degree weather (good thing we brought our winter coats!). After checking into the hotel, we raced over to the park and got into the swing of things watching the parade down main street. For those who want to think that there is something wrong with this park, or that it somehow is deficient because it's in Europe, we want to tell you here and now that this is the real deal. And for those who would like to believe that this is somehow an island of the USA amid Parisian France, you are also wrong. The park is extremely international, with very little information strictly in English, and nearly everything translated into 5 languages. This is Disney, folks, with a capital "D". The buildings are all solid, everything has a pastel wash over it that makes it look hyper-real, all the employees are friendly, and you have to work very hard to find something out of place or sub-standard. You can say all you want about it as
a choice for a vacation - no it is not scuba diving in Australia, or walking through a village in northern China, or even eating Fondue in a chalet in Switzerland. But if you have 3 small kids, you are guaranteed to get more "parent points" for this trip than any of the others combined.

Now for those who want to complain that the entire thing is too close to Paris.... I can't help you. The only thing I can say is that Hitler couldn't tear down the city, chances are good that Disney won't either.

Our high points so far have been:
* Seeing the set of the Pooh show. The show closed on September 30, but the set is still up and the kids got to ran around the Hundred Acre Wood. Isabelle walked as if she was in a dream come true.
* Walking through the replica of the "Nautilus". Ditto Isabelle's reaction, but this time for Leon.
* Meeting Pooh. It had to happen sooner or later, and today we caught up with the big guy himself. Yes, pictures were taken. We will make many copies.
* Finding the dragon underneath the Enchanted castle. Very nice ambiance and a well done display. It didn't hurt that to get to it, you walked through the only shop selling replica swords. Which was another high point (no pun intended).

Since we still have a few more days to go, it's hard to describe all the experiences in summary. So I'm just going to run down a few other items that we've noticed so far:
* In the two times Leon has been to a Disney theme park, "It's a Small World" has been closed both times. We believe it is a sign from God. In Debbie's opinion, this is a bad sign and she really feels sorry for Leon. In Leon's opinion, it is a sign that, despite all his failings, God still has a blessing or two to send his way.
* It is possible to find affordable meals, and they are not charging $4.00 for a cup of Pepsi.
* After walking in the park all day, nobody cares what the hotel looks like, we all just collapse from exhaustion.

We'll check in next week and let you know how it all turned out. Our return is set for Friday night, and then we are just decompressing, doing laundry, shopping, and keeping quiet until the week after.

Take care, and we hope everyone is well.
Debbie, Leon, Heather, Isabelle, and Joram (and Mickey, Minnie, Pooh, and the rest of the Gang)

Diary: 10/7/2001

Dear friends and family,

This was a slower week, a quieter week. There were less major events, but also less "extremes" - including the lows.

On Monday we went back to the house to take some measurements. We also used the time to capture the place with the video camera. We're pretty sure our stuff from the US will fit, but we also know that we'll need lots of closets. Unlike houses in the US, there are no built-in closets whatsoever! If you have a chance to buy stock in Ikea, now is the time because once we go shopping they can close their doors for the year!

We also had a chance to drive around the immediate area. We found a small playground within walking distance, which overlooks the surrounding countryside. As opposed to where we are now, which is very urban, Morrens is extremely pastoral. You can see (and hear, but hopefully not smell) cows grazing nearby. Morrens is also located relatively low - 718 meters above sea level. Just to give an idea, it hasn't snowed down any further than 2000 meters up the mountains yet. We're not sure when it will snow near us, or how much to expect. One couple from Chicago said "it's nothing", but the natives around here talk about winter tires, chains, and slipping and sliding. I guess we'll just have to see.

Another exciting even that registers on the "normalcy" scale happened this week - Isabelle lost a tooth. We are all happy to report that the International Corps of Tooth Fairys were able to locate us. They were apparently baffled with the exchange rates, however, and Isbelle walked away with a whopping 5 swiss francs and 1 US dollar.

Debbie spent a few of her days this week driving around with friends, trying (successfully) to find various shops or locations. On Friday a large group traveled past Geneva into France. This visit proved once and for all that things are waaaaaay cheaper over there - sometimes as much as a quarter of the cost.

Saturday is our wash day, so while Debbie and Joram shlepped 5 loads up and down steps, Leon and the girls went out and ran errands in the morning. Then we all spent the day making runs from school to the house, timing each route and trying to find the fastest/easiest/simplest one.

Sunday dawned wet and stormy and we worried that it would be another "blah" day. It took a long time to get moving but we finally decided to test another route from school to the new house. It turned out to be the fastest yet - just under 20 minutes. Granted, that's with Sunday traffic, but we'll find a few shortcuts along the way as we get more familiar with the surroundings.

We also took time to drive around the village of Morrens (not much. Don't blink or you'll miss it). And also find the closest shopping.

By the time we finished all that, the sun had broken through the clouds and things were warming up. We headed down to the lake again, to a park that had a min-train for the kids plus a nice play area. The kids burned off some energy until 4:00 when we met another family and headed up to the house of a couple who was moving back to the states, and selling all their good stuff. We were the vultures. It turns out that this couple is moving out and selling their house to the family that currently lives in our future house in Morrens! How weird is that?!? On top of it, the woman grew up in Shaker heights. In the end, we got a great deal on a bunch of stuff we needed like bookshelves, armoires, and more.

All in all, a nice way to wrap up the week.

This week should also be relatively quiet. We are getting ready for next week, when the girls are on vacation and we've decided to check out EuroDisney. If anyone calls, please don't say anything, as we haven't told them yet and probably won't until we're on the train! In any case, we'll have to spend a little time packing and preparing for that trip out.

It's been great hearing from everyone on the various goings-on back home. You are always in our hearts and never far from our thoughts.
Love
Debbie, Leon, Heather, Isabelle, and Joram

Diary: 9/30/2001

Dear friends and family:

Friday marked the end of our first month here. On the one hand, it has been a very rough month for us. On the other, we are improving steadily in many aspects and finally beginning to find "the good stuff".

On Monday, we heard that the house we saw last week is ours for sure. For those interested in finding it on a map, (or maybe sending us mail after we move in) it is :
Chemin de L'Orme 14
1054 Morrens

While our contract states the move-in date is December 1, we have spoken to the current tenents and they are moving out at the beginning of November. This means that we can be in by the middle of November, latest. It is still a long time to wait, and we are not looking forward to the next month, but it is now with the knowledge that there is an end in sight.

We have also begun planning our "big" trips, which was one of the main reasons for coming out here in the first place. In October, the girls have a week off so we decided to go someplace close, someplace fun, and someplace we were guarenteed to find things for the kids to do. Yes, people, we are in Switzerland, just 2 hours from the pastoral farmlands of France, the hearty beer houses of Germany, and the balmy coasts of Italy. But we're going to .... EURODISNEY!!

In November, there is just one place we could possibly imagine going. November 16 heralds the opening of the Harry Potter movie, so we will be in London that weekend. We'll take in the show, hop a train to King's Cross Station, try to find Diagon Alley and.. oh yeah... maybe stop at the Palace, Big Ben, Picadilly Circus, and Madam Trouseau's. Seriously, we have been told that England is a great place to escape to when you just can't stand another minute of non-English. So we are using this trip just to get a sense of costs, travel times, etc. We know that we will be back later to make a more thorough investigation.

Finally, in December we are going to plan to head south to Debbie's birthplace. We will probably swing through Barcelona, Madrid, and Seville for a week or so during the winter holidays.

Yom Kippur for us was quiet, but not as difficult as last week's Rosh Hashana. We decided that a quiet service at home was the best choice for everyone, rather than mad rushes and hour-long drives to unfamiliar synagogues. Instead we had some time for quiet reflection and a chance to talk about our hopes and concerns for the coming year, and to put some closure on the one just past.

This week also saw the completion of Debbie's "Living in Lausanne" courses. She has made a couple of good friends during the course, and also gathered a large list of contacts for specific issues (people who live up near the new house, playgroup contacts, French instructors, etc). All in all it was a very worthwhile course, and we think it has gone a long way to helping us continue in our transition.

On Saturday, the cows came home. No really, they really came home. This weekend marks the beginning of the colder season up in the higher grazing areas, so the cows are herded down to lower pasture for winter. This is done with great pomp and ceremony in many villages, and we drove up to one (Charmey) for the festival. Every so often cowherders dressed in traditional costume came through with cattle (and sheep, donkeys, goats, etc) The animals got all dressed up too - with floral arrangements in their horns, enormous cowbells around their necks, and a festive gleam in their eye. On top of this, there were alpine horn-blowers (I'm not sure if you call that a band, a chorus, or something else), yodelers, and choirs. In the village streets you were able to buy some of the local cheeses, meats, and crafts like lace and wood-toys. The kids had a great time, the food was wonderful, and the atmosphere was very... well, Swiss. The only person who was disappointed was Isabelle, who t
hought there should have been rides. We offered to put her up on a cow, but for some reason she wasn't excited about that idea.

Sunday was another good day for us. A town about an hour away had a "home days" type fair (they called it "Festival spectaulaire pour enfants". I think the grown-ups around here need to use their kids as an excuse to have a party). It had marrionette shows, folk music, and the more mundane face-painting, caroselles, etc. We met up with 2 other couples and spent a few hours there. Once the kids had exhausted all possibilities (plus all available spare cash), the weather cleared up so we all decided to head up the mountain. "up the mountain" is sort of a funny term here, since you are many to choose from. In any case, we picked one and drove up. And up. And up. When we got to the top, we were treated to a spectacular view of Lake Geneva and the surrounding mountains, valleys and vineyards. We spent a little time at a cafe up there, and when the temperature started dropping and the kids started getting antsy, we headed back down again.

Also this week, the girls started scouts. This is just like the US girlscout troup, and is another great way for them (and the parents) to get to know each other, get involved, and stay active.

Joram (who was not interested in becoming a scout this week) has started taking his first steps. Right now it is tentative, and only one or two at a time, but we know the end of crawling is near. Which means the end of our sanity as well! While Joram continues to express himself loudly and with a profusion of words, they are still in a language known only to himself.

This week is going to be (we think) a little quieter and more normal. We know we need to spend some time learning good routes from the new house to school so we will probably do a lot of driving in the evenings. Debbie has plans to meet up with a few people - for shopping, exploring, and getting around. We also need to start up our French lessons again, so that is on the good old "honeydo" list.

Oh, and we have to start packing our mouse ears for the trip.

As always, we hope this letter finds you all in good health and better spirits, and that the coming year is one of joy, happiness, and contentment.
Love
Leon, Debbie, Heather, Isabelle, and Joram.

Diary: 9/23/2001

Dear family and friends.

We want to start off by thanking everyone for the support, love, and concern that was expressed all week. Last week was difficult, but we really are doing ok. We are just dealing with the normal phases of home sickness and culture shock that (we think) everyone must go through to some extent. BUT, that is no reason to stop emailing! We love hearing from home. Each letter we get lightens our hearts, and makes us feel at least a little present in your lives. Do not ever hesitate to send us a note and let us know how you are doing there.

This week was definitely better than the last. We all had much more to do, so there was less "moping" time available, but we are also getting into something resembling a routine.

We have to admit that Monday was very difficult. It was a national holiday (Jeune Federal) and there was absolutely nothing to do. We tried to drive around a bit, but even this didn't raise our spirits much. We hadn't been able to contact the Synagogue in Geneva, and we knew that the one in Lausanne would be so foreign that we would find no comfort in it. In the end, we took out a copy of Heather's Bat-Mitzvah service (given to us along with a fantastic tape by Alison Howdieshell so that we could start practicing now) and went through the prayers and songs we knew. It was a very hard time for the adults - perhaps our lowest yet.

On Tuesday, we decided that we would try to stick to whatever routine we had found - the kids went off to school and Leon went to work. However, we had already planned to try to re-visit a house. Debbie had already seen it on her own, and liked it enough to go back and show Leon around. It's 20 minutes north of the lake (in a village named "Morrens"), and by the time we finished looking at it, we asked immediately to have it put "on hold". At the time of this writing, we are still waiting to hear if we will get it (our last experience, you remember, was something of a disappointment). However, it has 4 bedrooms (enough for guests!), a nice-sized kitchen, 2 bathrooms, plenty of storage areas, and a "winter garden" which is basically a glass enclosure with electric heating in the floor so that you can use it year-round. We are already mentally mapping out where all the furniture will go, and how many guests we can hold at one time. Please plan to come help us test our theory!

Seeing the house, and making the plan to move in (even if it may not be available until December) helped lift our spirits dramatically. The rest of the week seemed to fly by.

On Wednesday and Thursday, Debbie had a "Living in Lausanne" course. This is put on by the American Women's club, and goes over all the important essentials for living in the Lake-Geneva area. Many of the people Debbie met there were already known from Nestle or from school, but the course this provided a larger block of time to exchange stories, make connections, etc. There are still 3 days to go this coming week, so we are looking forward to whatever new information and new friendships we can find.

Also on Thursday we went to (finally) pick up our new cars. As we mentioned before, Leon got a (banana yellow) Opel Corsa, and Debbie a (more respectable) gray Opel Zafira. The weirdest moment came when we picked up the Zafira. The salesperson handed us the keys and a pink slip of paper - we already knew these are bank transfer notes. You take them to the bank and ask them to transfer money out of your account and into the account noted on the pink slip. He asked us to "please try to get to the bank soon". That was it! We literally took a car off the lot without making any kind of payment on it. In America, we call this "stealing". In Switzerland, they call it "an honorable deal". We're not sure whether to be impressed or mortified.

Yes, we went to the bank right away. We didn't want to ruin it for the next set of Americans to come along.

Somewhere along the week Leon got to the post office to send some letters home. We were astounded to find out that all international postage had been suspended as a show of respect and solidarity with America. Basically, the letters were sent for only the cost of a (regular Swiss postage) stamp. That was a touching and gracious gesture.

On Friday, we finally felt confident enough to attempt a drive out to Geneva for Shabbat services. There we met Rabbi Francois Garai, whose booming bass voice and perfect English made us feel instantly welcome. The congregation (about 50 that night, including their entire B'nai Mitzvah class of 10) extended that feeling, sometimes in French and sometimes in English, but always in a way that we could understand. During the service, we found we could follow the Hebrew much more readily than the French. The music (sung by the Rabbi) was mostly unfamiliar tunes. While we certainly knew that this would be the case, it only added to the feeling of "foreign-ness" that we felt in general. Then, in the middle of the service, Shalom Rav began and it was as if the room had opened up and light came pouring in. It was such a relief to finally know how *something* would go, to know the next note. Too soon, the song was over, but the feeling of relief remained for a long time after.

As we drove home, trying to take note of how long the trip would be, we were (and still are) unsure how often we will make the journey. It's over an hour one way, which is a challenge when you factor in work schedules, dinners, tired children, and bed-times. As we settle in further, we will continue to assess what we can and cannot do, but at least we have some choices available to us, and we know that (for 2 years at least) we can become part of that community with at least a small level of comfort.

Saturday we drove around the lake to the south, and into France. The small town of Thonon, we were told, had a shopping mall to rival an American Wal-Mart. We had to see for ourselves. The trip was refreshingly easy - just follow the road around the lake - but took about an hour and a half. However, the weather was rainy so we didn't feel like we had missed any great opportunity to get out. When we arrived, we found a strip of stores leading up to a large Mall - the "Carrefour". To make a long story short, it's not like Wal-Mart but close enough that we spent about 500 Swiss francs (about $250) on things like groceries, wine, coats, and shoes. We also discovered that France is *way* cheaper than Switzerland for almost everything (cheese, bread, wine, McDonalds) and we will definitely make "France runs" part of our monthly routine.

It's important to note that our "big score" of this shopping run was honest-to-goodness pancake syrup! I'm not talking about that nasty "real maple syrup" syrup that actually has plant sap in it. I'm talking about the stuff that contains "real artificial processed maple flavoring". There was much rejoicing in the aisles.

We also found out that "border security" is pretty much an oxymoron here. We passed from Switzerland into France as easily as you might drive from Ohio to Pennsylvania, and the only reason we knew we had crossed back was because some guy in a uniform was walking his dog across the street. He looked at us in our van, and then said "C'est bon" (it's good) and waves us on.

My secret fear in all of this is that we are so painfully, obviously American that they don't even bother checking us out. What a blow to the ego!

Saturday night, we returned with our booty and whipped up a quick dinner. We lit the havdalah candles, said the prayers, and realized that we were slowing finding comfort and peace in this place. We still long for some real living space, but the waves of homesickness, fear, and loss are not as ever-present as before. We are finding our way.

Today (Sunday) we had planned to go down to a small coastal village (Lutry) for a grape-harvest festival. We'd been told by several that this was a wonderful affair, and were looking forward to it. We also had planned to go with another couple whose been here longer than we, and who have been gracious with both their advice and their hospitality all along. They also have kids about the girls' ages, so it was an attractive proposition for everyone involved. Unfortunately, it rained all day and nobody much felt like getting water-logged just to watch some locals celebrate how they successfully picked grapes. So we started off just talking, then we took out a little food, then we took out coffee, then another couple (just arrived this week from California) stopped by, then we took out some wine, and before you knew it, it was 5:00pm and we had eaten our way through the day and had a wonderful time just the same! Here's to plans that don't go the way you expect but still come ou
t all right.

That about wraps up the week! Hope this letter finds everyone in good health and even better spirits. Everyone here sends their deepest wishes for peace and happiness in the coming New Year.
Love
Leon, Debbie, Heather, Isabelle, and Jora

Diary 3: 9/16/01

Dear family and friends:

We know that we am writing this as some of you are coping with profound and in some cases horrific changes around you. For better or for worse, our TV has been set to those few English-language programs that give us news of the situation in the US, and we have spent hours absorbing and discussing events. We wish we could do more than just say "you are in our thoughts and prayers" although this is very very true as well.

For us, this has been a difficult week on many levels. On the most basic level, we simply miss home. Even if this were simply a long vacation, we would know we would eventually come home to all those things we had. In this case, that surety is gone. We are detached from everything and everyone that was familiar. This is a disconnection that takes time to overcome.

On another level, what we are talking about is "culture shock". Merriam-Webster defines that as "a sense of confusion and uncertainty sometimes with feelings of anxiety that may affect people exposed to an alien culture or environment without adequate preparation".

That pretty much sums it up.

Finally, we feel lost nearly all the time here.

We are physically lost because we haven't yet figured out how to navigate from point A to point B. North-south-east-west are nonexistent references here. Signs with street names are occasionally visible, but not reliably so. There is another process of orienting to which we haven't yet acclimated ourselves.

We are linguistically lost because, despite assurances to the contrary, everyone here does NOT speak English. Not even within Nestle. So the simple act of asking "where is the peanut butter?", if you don't know the actual word for "peanut butter" can be a pantomimic nightmare. ("beurre de cacahuete", if you are interested).

And of course we are culturally lost. Customs or expectations that might seem quaint or even pleasant for short periods become nearly maddening when you know there will be no respite from them, that you are expected not only to appreciate them from an intellectual or aesthetic point of view, but to understand, internalize, and obey them yourself.

We know that this is only our second week, that these are all normal sensations. But it doesn't make things any easier to deal with day by day, and (as we mentioned in our last note) we often find ourselves clinging to each other for dear life, unable to perceive the beauty or splendor around us because we are blinded by those things that we have given up, or by those things that we fear we will never understand.

On a more mundane level....

Leon returned to work, which left Debbie alone and feeling somewhat unprepared for Swiss life. There was the challenge of getting the kids to and from school - on time, in one piece, and without getting lost.

Since we still only have a single car, there was also the issue of Leon getting to and from work. Luckily our neighbors upstairs are also Nestle expats, and can take Leon to work, but as they are single and tend to work late, Debbie was pressed into service to pick him up at a decent hour, adding to the driving stresses.

At work, Leon found that work had not waited for him while he was busy settling in, and so this had to be juggled along with the continuing tasks of obtaining insurances, working the system for purchasing cars, and also navigating the Nestle Swiss environment without treading on too many toes. Without going into too many details, suffice to say that he is NOT the favorite person in Human Resources here!

On the positive side, we have begun to see houses that more closely fit what we need. We *might* have found something that is a good match, although certain factors are working against us. First, it won't be available until December 1, which means and extremely long stay in our current temporary (and very small) quarters. Second, it is extremely far away (although how far we aren't exactly sure yet, since we don't know the shortest route between two points yet.). So we are mulling over our options and leaning toward the idea of letting this fish get away and waiting for the next good catch.

Also on the plus side, the girls are having a great time at school. Both have acclimated to the school extremely quickly, and (aside from some less-than-stellar school lunches) have nothing bad to report each day. Heather returned on Wednesday from Reideralp happy and excited and full of stories of the 3 day adventure (and also extremely tired).

Yesterday we bought a VCR - one that will play both the European (PAL) and the US (NTSC) systems. Today the kids are happily soaking up Rolly Polly Olly, A Bugs Life, and other deeply meaningful programs. The cutest part came when we put in the first tape from home, and Isabelle asked if it would be in French or English. I wondered the same thing. One never can tell, you know.

Finally, today (Sunday) we successfully managed to make pancakes - real, live, non-crepe-based pancakes! Our heartfelt thanks goes out to everyone who sent recipes. Our (and perhaps your) next challenge is to find a no-mix cake recipe, as all our kitchen equipment is still on a boat somewhere.

As for events yet to come....

This afternoon, we are getting together with some work-friends. Leon's manager, Francisco and his wife (Pascale) and daughter (Elena) have offered to take us to some weather-appropriate, kid-friendly activity. If the weather is nice, perhaps the zoo or a miniature train ride. But whatever it is, we all welcome the chance to get out and go someplace that doesn't involve deep mental thought about how to get there or how to cope once we arrive.

On Monday, the entire country comes to a grinding halt as they celebrate "Jeune Federal". This is a very important national holiday that nearly nobody we have spoken to can explain with any detail, except to remind us that everything is closed that day.

Of course, Tuesday is Rosh Hashanah. This has us a bit worried, as the effort of settling in left us with no time to contact the synagogue in Geneva. We are hopeful that there is still time to make arrangements.

We appreciate all the emails that people sent over the week, keeping us in touch with events at home. Just a reminder that Leon's email has changed to "leon.adato@nestle.com" (the "us" part was dropped). The old address will be active for a little while longer, but not forever. Best to change it soon!

Much love, hope, and support sent to you from us here.
Leon, Debbie, Heather, Isabelle, and Joram.

Diary 2: 9/9/01

Dear friends and family:

There is so much to write this week, and we are so short on the organizational skills to put it all in coherent order. If things get a bit muddled, you will need to forgive us, and know that we will do better in the coming weeks.

Contrary to popular believe, we will not select a popular song as a backdrop for *each* letter we send. We thank everyone for their suggestions, including "Play That Funky Music White Boy" and the entire first half of "Dark Side of the Moon". This is to avoid prosecution from RIAA as much as anything else.

As you can imagine, emotions ran high this week. The simplest tasks like driving to school or the grocery store were adventures; we could measure the things we knew with a thimble - the things we don't know could fill an ocean. Sometimes this was OK. The newness made everything exciting, from the taste of food to a walk around the block to finding an english-language newspaper. Other times it was very not-ok, and we found ourselves holding each other for dear life and crying our fears out onto the bedsheets.

The apartment is OK (as in "small but OK"), but there were hiccoughs to work through in the beginning. The stove-top was shattered when we arrived and it wasn't until Tuesday that it was fixed. We only had 2 sets of towels here, and it took until Monday to get more. Nobody seemed to be able to find the garage keys (or even tell us which spot was ours!). Thursday, this was all sorted out. But obviously each stress point was unwelcome, and we had to work hard to remain positive in the face of these relatively minor inconveniences.

The children (especially Heather and Isabelle) are frequently our sources of strength these days. Very little is upsetting to them, and almost everything is funny or at least interesting. Heather is able to strike up a conversation with just about anyone, and that usually helps us to get the information we grown-ups need. Isabelle has taken to announcing each "roundabout" when we find them (there are many here, used instead of stoplights). And Joram's love of bread has reached new heights here.

They started school on Tuesday, and have taken it as their own. Friends were found quickly - Heather had a "play date" on Wednesday, and Isabelle had one on Friday. The children in their classes come from a wide range of backgrounds - some are "mixed" marriages of Swiss citizens and ex-patriots from places like Sweden or Portugal or Malaysia; some are children whose entire family are Swiss citizens, but who want the international education; and a rare few are from families like ours.

We drive the girls to school each morning and drop them off, so we have a chance to see the other parents. The mix of languages is astounding as we hear standard parental admonitions ("have a good day", "see you this afternoon", etc) in french, spanish, swedish, chinese, and even hebrew.

Meanwhile, Debbie and Leon started house-hunting on the same day. There are a few things we've learned from this:
1) For 4500 swiss francs per month, you can rent just about any house you want. (this equals $2650.00).
2) If you get a real-estate agent, they CAN'T show you everything in town, just the stuff that is on THEIR list. This means you have to work with many many many agents. Of course, we found that out AFTER we wasted the week with a single agency.
3) Nestle is buying up all the homes in Vevey, but Phillip Morris is buying up all the homes in Lausanne. And we want to live in Lausanne. Figures.

We remain hopeful, but it was a disappointing week none the less.

On Friday, Leon's boss Francisco took us out car-hunting. This was much more successful. That day we found a wonderful car for Debbie - an Opel "Zafira" - a Swiss-size 7-seat mini-van. It's slightly used (was driven off the lot in April of 2001) and has 11,000 kilometers (around 6000 miles) on it. So it we got it for just 28,000 francs ($16,470). We were very impressed.

At the same time as Leon was doing the paperwork on the car, Debbie was back at the apartment getting our air shipment. This was a very exciting thing for us since many important items were on the air shipment - a case of Kraft Mac and Cheese, more computer equipment for Leon, and diapers.

On the way home from buying the car, Leon got to experience Swiss services up-close. Ahead of him on the road was there was a terrible accident - one car crossed sharply across the road and slammed into the car ahead of him, then continued to swerve out of control and (slightly) hit Leon's car.

There was so much to be thankful for: In the end, everyone involved was OK and (miraculously) unhurt. Nobody else was in the car with Leon. Leon's car was still drive-able. It was the rental and not the new car. It underscored for us the fact that this is still *life*, that anything can happen here just like everywhere else, and that we just need to keep going in the face of it all, and find those experiences that inform this time in our lives.

It also showed us that even now we (the grown-ups) have made more friends than maybe we realize. Debbie knew the phone number of another "Mom" who could pick up Heather at school and bring her back to our place. Leon had several friends at work to call for help translating what the police said and offering advice on how the process would go.

Believe it or not, Friday was not over yet - we still had a party to attend! Leon's project team (GLOBE) was having an "all hands" BBQ. Hundreds of people were there. We all had a great time and got some good information from people who have been here longer than us and have encountered some of the same problems (even car accidents. Back in February, in the first weekend of this project, 20% of the rental cars distributed were in accidents. So much that a company memo went out asking GLOBE participants to "please try very hard not to crash the cars.")

On Saturday, Francisco and Leon went out again and bought a second car (an Opel Corsa). We got another Opel because they are nice cars, and because dealerships (and repair shops) are all over the place.

Of course, in Switzerland, you don't just go in and buy a car. We get a contract, which Leon then takes back to Nestle. While Nestle puts together the loan for the cars, the dealership is cleaning and "preparing" the car for delivery. It's all very anal-retentive, which fits right in here.

After that, all of us packed up into the car and headed off for "God's country" in Switzerland, which means over the hill, through the woods, past about a million sunflower fields, past 900,000 cows, up half a mountain, and onto a camp grounds. I should add that all of this is about 40 minutes from our apartment. We are not sure what the big deal is with sunflowers, but this place is lousy with them!

Anyway, we were going to the girls' start-of-school picnic. We got to meet some really wonderful people there, and again were able to make contact with folks who have been through much of the challenges we face, and who can (hopefully) guide us around some of the problem spots.

On Sunday, Heather celebrated her first double-digit birthday by... going to someone else's birthday party. Another girl in her class has the same birthday, and invited everyone over. We plan a smaller celebration tonight with just us. But it is truly an auspicious start to the week.

*****
That pretty much sums up the week. However, there were notable moments that didn't fit in anywhere above, so I have to mention them now.

After a great deal of questioning, we finally got "our day" for laundry. Yes, our day. It is Saturday. If we want to do laundry on Monday, we are out of luck. We have mentioned this to Joram in regard to his alarmingly active bowels. I'm not sure it will help, but we remain optimistic. We found a very helpful neighbor who showed us how to use the washing machine and dryer, and (7 loads later) we have more cloths than you can shake a stick at.

PLEASE READ THE ABOVE PARAGRAPH AGAIN AND NOTE: Do not send us clothes. We have no room to put it. We have no more time in "our day" to wash it. And we only barely know how to work the machine, so if you send us something weird, we will probably ruin it.

Seriously, we are doing fine, and send anything you want. Except for Debbie's Mom, who is banned from entering our home with anything resembling children's cloths or (worse) children's shoes. The 4 pairs she bought each girl right before we left were quite enough!

Another note for the postally-minded among you: open all packages and remove price tags before sending, and perhaps write "used cloths" or "used books" or just "papers" on the box or else we will have to pay a tariff on it.

While we have found that french toast works well here, our attempts to modify crepe-mix into pancakes was less than successful. Anyone with good recipes for pancake mix are welcome to email us here or directly to Debbie (adatoda@yahoo.com).

Finally, we just want to comment that this place has the biggest slugs we have ever seen! No wonder they eat them here - 2 or 3 makes a meal. It's disgusting, but interesting none the less.

*****
Looking toward the coming week, we are preparing for Leon's return to work (although nobody expects full-time hours), a 3 day trip to the Alps for Heather's grade, and 2 or 3 parent meetings for Debbie.

Despite the flurry of activity, we miss you all terribly and think of everyone often. Please write, email, or call - it helps ease the home-sickness and lets us digest events as we relate them to you.

Take care and look for our next installment soon!
Leon, Debbie, Heather, Isabelle, and Joram.

Diary 1 - 9/30/2001

(with appologies to Simon and Garfunkel)
Many's the time I've been mistaken, and many times confused
Yes and I've often felt forsaken, and certainly misused
Ah but I'm alright, I'm alright, I'm just weary thru my bones
Still you don't expect to be bright and bon-vivant
So far away from home, so far away from home

After weeks of activity and months of planning, our family is on the plane. *The Plane*. Despite the travel we have done lately, this definitely feels different. Partly because all the other trips have had a "home base" - sort of an emotional ace-in-the-hole. You always knew that, no matter how rainy it was in Cancun or how small the hotel in Brussels, you were coming home eventually to familiar sights and sounds. Now I have what I guess is the "Lech Lecha" feeling - what I imagine Avram and Sarai felt as they wandered away from the city, from everything they knew, into the unknown. Yes, I'm sure that's an over-used cliche, and I know it is an over-dramatization. And inaccurate, to boot. We are going from a relatively small city in the US to one of the most cosmopolitan areas of the world. But the feeling is there none-the-less and needs to be acknowledged at least once.

And I don't know a soul who's not been battered
I don't have a friend who feels at ease
I don't know a dream that's not been shattered or driven to its knees
But it's alright, it's alright, for we live so well, so long
Still, when I think of the road we're traveling on
I wonder what's gone wrong, I can't help it I wonder what's gone wrong

Having moved a few times, this still has dwarfed anything we ever undertook. Each move in the past was a series of sense-memories. *We* packed the boxes, so we knew where to find things. Now, it's not just the question of "which box is the potatoe peeler in?", there's also the question of "did we tell them to pack the potatoe peeler, and did they put it on the right truck?". The amount we have learned about culture already, both Swiss and corporate, is astounding. Just understanding the "right" way to frame a question or a request has taken time. And, of course, we know now what we should have known when we started, and are that much worse for the wear. But every other traveler has done this, so we're sure we didn't foul up the process too badly. Although Leon is certain that, at this very moment, a loud party is going on in in the Nestle USA Human Resources department (grin).

And I dreamed I was dying, I dreamed that my soul rose unexpectedly
And looking back down at me, smiled reassuringly
And I dreamed I was flying, and high up above my eyes could clearly see
The statue of liberty, sailing away to sea, and I dreamed I was flying

We spent the last few days meeting with friends and family. For those who were able to take time and get together with us, we are truly and deeply grateful. For those who we missed, it just means owe us one and you'll have to come out to Switzerland to pay us back!

Getting on the plane was an adventure in itself. As we waited to board, the attendant announced the plane would be "going into maintenance" and that it might be an hour or more, and the plane might not fly again today, and if we had connecting flights we ought to go down to the service desk to get an alternate plane (oh no! Not again!!). The noise of stampeding feet was deafening!

This noise was topped moments later as everyone came back. The plane was miraculously fixed (or more likely, never broken) and everyone was allowed to get on board. Personally, I think it was just a creative way for Continental to help its passengers avoid deep-vein thrombosis. 'One last run around the track, folks, and then we'll let you get on!"

But we come on a ship they called Mayflower
We come on a ship that sailed the moon
We come in the ages' most uncertain hours and sing an American tune
And it's alright, oh it's alright, it's alright, you can be forever blessed
Still tomorrow's gonna be another working day and I'm trying to get some rest
That's all I'm trying, to get some rest

It's now two days later, and we have settled in to the point where we can finish this email and move on. The trip was relatively un-eventful. We made all our connections and arrived in Geneva at 9:30am Friday morning. A 40 minute drive brought us to the temporary apartment in Pully, a small village that is part of the larger city of Lausanne. Think of it as "Euclid is a small village that is part of Cleveland".

Unpacking was, and continues to be, a chore. We got most of the cloths out the day we arrived, but things like extra toiletries and school supplies are waiting for Sunday (tomorrow) when we have nothing planned.

Our first Shabbat was quiet, and somewhat somber. I think the echos of all the Shabbats we had shared with friends and family were still fresh in our minds, and the knowledge of the distance separating us from them just a bit too present.

Saturday morning we woke around 10:00am (still 4:00am to us) and our first task was to shop for some much-needed supplies. We found a Migros (one of the larger supermarket chains) nearby, and picked up what we needed. We also had to get some final school supplies, which meant a trip deeper into the heart of Lausanne.

We got some (relatively vague) directions to "Place de St. Francois" - not hard to miss once they said "just look for the enormous cathedral". Once we found it, and a place to park, we hiked about 2 miles (all uphill) to "Lion d'Ore". This is a store that sells 1) makeup; 2) pharmeceutecals; 3) art supplies. "3 great products that go great together!"

Of course, as we left, it started to rain (again. It's set to rain all week, and drop down to the 50's. Just great since we hardly brought any warm cloths with us) so we ran (downhill all the way) to the car.

By the time we got back to the apartment, we had just enough time for a quick bite, then we were off again to meet with some other Solon-Nestle-Expats for dinner. This was a great time for us, since they had kids to play with our kids, and they've only been here for a few months so they still remembered what we are going through now.

The evening lasted until 11:00pm, when we finally decided that we might have to camp out if we stayed longer. About 40 minutes later, everyone was tucked warmly in their beds, and I was free to type this letter. Of course, sending it is an entirely different issue. 2 days has allowed my inbox to fill with 168 emails, which need to be sorted and dealt with eventually. Eventually. But not tonight.

We will talk to you all very soon.

Leon, Debbie, Heather, Isabelle, and Joram

PS: For those who would like to call, the apartment phone number is: 41-21-729-8027. Please remember that we are 6 hours *ahead* of Cleveland time, and that we don't have an answering machine set up yet.

How NOT to Give a Dog a Pill

On the eve of Tova's first heat, (which we had been anticipating for over 6 months), Tova decided to show us that heat was not such a problem, not such a mess. Especially when compared with diarrhea!

I won't get into the gory details of it all, but I'm happy that I have an airline-style crate, rather than the wire kind. For once, LESS ventilation was a good thing.

However, what to do about this was the question of the day. Well, it was the question for me. For my daughter, the question of the day was "why does it smell so bad in here". For my wife, the question of the day is mostly unprintable, and brings into serious question my relationship with several common household kitchen tools.

After a call to the breeder... OK, really it was after:

1. straining my back lifting the crate and dog as a whole unit (I could have SWORN I said I was going to stop doing that!)
2. carrying it out to the garage
3. soaking dog, owner, and crate to the bone, while cleaning very little
4. enduring continued withering spousal statements about male-ness in general and myself in particular
5. assisting in renewed efforts to actually clean the mess while averting near-disaster involving a certain 2 1/2 year old and the aforementioned mess

After all that, I called the breeder who directed me to buy kaopectate chewable tablets. Which I drove off to do while wife and children left the house for the relative calm of a sale at K-Mart.

Now I should take a moment to mention that my wife's background is in the medical field, while I spent 4 years and many thousand dollars in New York pursuing a degree in Theater. My wife currently works in the field of medicine. I currently work as a computer geek. This should translate to the reader in the following way:

1. I can present a really entertaining rendition of the class "DOS is your Friend"
2. You never want me shopping for any medical supplies

So, although I was explicitly instructed to purchase chewable tablets, I bought adult capsules instead. Ignorant of this, I blithely proceeded home, toward certain disaster.

Up to this point, the only medical experience Tova and I had faced together were visits to the vet (where, at most, I was asked to "sit in the waiting room and not break things") and offering her the monthly HeartGuard brick, which Tova, despite repeated doses, confuses for candy and snaps up, occasionally causing me to re-count fingers just to make sure.

Back in the garage, I happily (if somewhat cautiously) extended my hand with the two caplets, figuring these would be confused, if not for crunchy treats, then perhaps hard candy.

Sniff.........snorf......

An unimpressed dog wanders away, eyeing the garden hose hanging on the wall with suspicion.

Maybe she just needs a taste to get her going. I jam a caplet past her front teeth, waiting to hear satisfied crunching noises.

You know that "picky eater" dog food commercial with the basset hound? The one where he spits the kibble out and watches it ricochet around the kitchen?

Just like that, only now I have a caplet-sized dent in my car.

Just as visions of syringes begin to dance in my head, I remember an old trick I saw a girlfriend do in high-school with her cocker-spaniel (no, not THAT trick!). I race inside and grab the tub of peanut butter. Not just a regular tub, either. My wife shops for *duration*, so these are the econo-size jobs.

Now I am faced with the delimma of one pill or two. Opting to get the whole thing over with as quickly as possible, I dunk both pills together into the peanut butter jar, coming up with a plum-sized glop of PB. Forcing Tova's mouth open with the other hand, I skillfully jam the gooey mass into her mouth. Then I take both hands and hold her mouth shut for a moment.

Glufflle......shluck shluck shluck......gluffle...click!

Two pearly white pills clatter to the garage floor. I look irately at my dog, who sports a satisfied smile to go with the peanut butter smeared over the left side of her face. Remember, I used BOTH hands to hold her mouth shut.

Not content to be stupid once, I decide to try again. So I pick up the (now pasty-wet) pills, grab the container, and dunk again. Same result, except that the sound the pills make on exit is now more of a "splut" that a "click".

I admit defeat, spray down the half of the dog now covered in peanut butter, and go inside to clean up the half of me now covered in peanut butter.

My wife returns to survey the scene. It doesn't take long after "why are two pills missing from this box?" for her to get the rest of the picture. With a smile that only triumphantly superior wives can wear, she grabs a pill in one hand, the dog in the other. It is not lost on me that peanut butter, or any other condiment for that matter, is conspicuously absent. One pill goes to the back of the throat, and the muzzle is gently held closed. While rubbing her throat, my wife croons to the dog in the same voice she used to wake me up at 2:00am when our newborn puppy was crying to go out. Gently, nicely, with just a hint of a razor blade waiting in the wings. Tova rolls her eyes and gives a "Oh, you want me to *swallow*! Why didn't you say so?" look, and ....gluck....down goes pill one. Pill two goes even faster.

I now have a month's worth of PBJ sandwiches to eat.

How NOT to Give a Dog a Bath, Part 2

It all started with a bowl of water. Make that 2 and a half bowls of water at 5:00am, on a day when my wife and I both work. Now I should explain that normally Tova is only in her cage for "calm down" times and those moments when my wife is out running errands or picking up the kids. In most cases she is outside enjoying the view of the back yard or inside wandering around the kitchen. But on Mondays and Tuesdays, due to combined work schedules, she suffers the ignominy of confinement from about 7:00 to 3:30, when I get home.

On this particular morning, after our 5:00 potty run, Tova decided that she was a pyr-fish, and guzzled down 2 and a half bowls of water. Happily ignorant of the truth in what I had done, I directed her back into the crate and trotted off to work.

When I returned home, there was a slight odor in the air. I was immediately leery, but saw no telltale puddles in the cage, so I thought that maybe it was just a case of gas. Of course, when I took her out of the cage I discovered Use Number 2 for Dog Hair - Nature's Handi-Wipe. I have only God to thank that she didn't choose this moment to practice the "shake" command.

Outside we went, for a quick airing-out. Snow or no snow, I didn't want her soaking any longer than necessary. Besides, I knew I could get ready and bring her back inside quickly.

I had just bought one of those bathtub-mini-shower thingies, a K-Mart special. Tova had been looking a little brown around the edges, so I was all set for bath anyway. At least that's what I thought.

Once again I cleared all chase-able things on the way from the garage through the kitchen to the hallway to the stairs up to the bathroom.

I grabbed a bundle of towels, emptied the bathroom of all chew-ables, and began to install the shower-attachment.

I should note that our house is not even a year old, and it was at this time I discovered that our spigots are all extra-wide. Wider, in fact, than any known adapter for those shower-things.

20 minutes and 6 plumbing attachments later, I decided to pitch the idea and just give the dog a plain old bath. I also remember that it was only 10 degrees outside (not counting wind chill).

While I have read about Pyr's in the winter and how cute those "drool-sicles" can be, let me state right now that "pee-sicles" are significantly less cute. Tova was, however, unfazed by the weather. Thank goodness for that.

Inside we go, through the kitchen she knows as home, into the hallway where we rarely are allowed, and up to the stairs. "Stairs?" she says "Don't like em. There's more than 2 up there. Think I'll pass.".

"Oh now get real" I say to myself. I go immediately into my doggy cheerleader role. "You can do this, I know you can!" No good. I tempt her with treats, and even wave the cat in front of her as bait. As tempting as the cat was, Tova still wasn't going to run up that massive number of steps (10).

From the amount of struggling, I am fairly certain Tova didn't enjoy being carried as much as I didn't enjoy carrying her. I can only hope this translates into a desire to revisit the stairs issue, and perhaps come to a decision about them that doesn't involve my back or feline body parts.

Finally into the bathroom, I began running the water. If Tova's expression was leery for the stairs, it was all-out panic for the bathtub. This was, of course, the moment my daughters chose to open the door and see how the bath was going. The act of knocking them over, however, slowed Tova enough that I was able to wrestle her down before she attempted to test un-modified canine aerodynamics over the railing.

A short while later the bathtub was full, my children were tethered to the toilet, Tova was locked with me in the bathroom, and I was ready for a nap.

Into the water she went, and the dog who found 10 stairs impossible to traverse was now attempting to scale a 90-degree sheer wall made of wet tile. Some animals are so fickle.

Lacking the shower-thingy, I began the cup-and-dunk routine. My daughters were only too willing to help, and so Tova quickly learned to turn her body away from wherever they were, in order to avoid drowning.

Shampoo was next. Tova lathered up very nicely. So did my two-year-old. I caught her fast enough to save half the 16-oz bottle of shampoo. She won't need to wash her hair for another month. The 5-year-old was enchanted to see Tova licking the bubbles. Tried it herself but wasn't impressed. Fed it to the 2 year old which was significantly more fun. Both children were then exiled from the bathroom.

The rest of the bath was (relatively) uneventful, but was a major pain the back. Literally. Soaping and rinsing a furry 55lb dog takes *a lot* longer than a fur-less 35 lb child.

I still couldn't find a way to make Tova shake. No, blowing in her ear didn't help. It certainly did elicit chuckles from my wife, however. Remembering the scarring from my last attempt to "squeegee" the water out of Tova's fur, I opted for the "squeezee" method this time. Tova looked irked, but I finished with all my digits in tact and relatively few open wounds.

I lined the floor with towels and let her out of the bathtub, figuring to toss and towel over and begin drying in earnest. Tova hopped out with a sigh of relief. I turned to grab the big towel. Tova figured it was a good time to shake. There must be a class during the day while everyone is out that Tova goes to teach her these things.

Not happy with being bitten, scratched, soaped, wetted, and braided (the last done by the 5-year old while I was distracted rinsing dog shampoo out of the 2-year old), I decided to round out my day by adding pummeled, run-over, and burned. I got out the hairdryer. I have since been told that most people put the dog into a crate as a safety feature for both themselves and the dog.

Tova was now mostly dry, so I called it quits and began moving downstairs. Of course, Tova wouldn't go down them either. She then had the nerve to look surprised as I put her back into her (cleaned) crate, rather than be allowed to walk around the house for a while.

Meanwhile, I stripped down to my underwear, got a glass of water and 6 Advil, opened the phone book, and began looking under "D" for "Dog Grooming Services".

How NOT to Give a Dog a Bath, Part 1

A momentous occasion indeed: The run has been completed, and I don't mean that I've taken up jogging. 32' by 8', with a view of both the front and back yards. Tova can truly be the queen of all she surveys.

I came home and found the job finished (and not even a bill left in the mailbox - hahahahaha!), and decided that Tova should "christen" it that very moment. Out of the crate, on with the leash, whoosh! out the door, and into the run. It was then and only then that I realized a couple of very important items:

1. it was raining
2. it had been raining for 2 days
3. no grass had grown in this particular spot
4. the run had no stones put in, either.

Ignorant of the truth of this situation, I decided that she deserved a good romp, so I left her for a few minutes while I attended to other household chores.

When I returned, I found someone had swapped my white pyrenees for a black, brown, and white Bernese Mountain dog. "Where is Tova?" I asked. Confusion dripped along with layers of mud off this new animal's face.

Something had to be done. Debbie wasn't due home for another hour, so I had time to screw up 3 or 4 more times. True to my nature, I found the most expedient method: give the dog a shower.

Leaving the Tova-impersonator in the run (when I return, I bet it will be a black lab!) I grabbed some towels, rags, etc. Then I cleared the area from the garage (first floor) to the shower (upstairs master bathroom) of anything that might look remotely chase-able to a wet, muddy dog.

Shucking off my cloths in favor of old swimming trunks (this dog is still in the biting phase, and I'm not taking any chances!), I went out into the garage (I found it was much colder outside without a coat) opened the door, and greeted the mud-monster. I picked her up. I realized I won't be able to do that particular maneuver much longer! And inside and up the stairs I went.

Everything was OK in my mind until we hit the first piece of carpet. Then I realized that there is no effective way to squeegee a dog, nor had I even tried. So there may have been a humungous mud-glob just waiting to fall any second. So there I went, withering under the weight of my pet, praying to any god who will listen "please don't drip! please don't drip!" Tova, perhaps realizing the precariousness of her position and her chances of surviving another day if she touched the floor, did her best not to drip.

We got to, and into the shower. Turned on the water.

I would like to state here and now that Pyrenees are glorious creatures. They look regal in almost any situation. Except wet. And I think the dog knows it, too. A forlorn look swept across Tova's face as her hair melted against her skin, leaving her looking like an enormous albino Chihuahua with a bad case of cellulite.

I made a mental note to get one of those sprayer nozzles that hook up to the spigot. This note was bumped up the list of current priorities when I attempted to lift Tova and hold her on her back under the shower spray in order to get all the belly-mud off.

I discovered that wet dog hair is nearly impossible to get off your hands, and that you should _never_ touch your face with it.(ptew! ptew!!)

I discovered my dog still doesn't understand the command "shake", nor is there an effective way to show her. Despite my every effort to emulate the action, I've determined that it must feel to the dog very different than it looks, because she only looked up at me with that same forlorn expression, I'm sure thinking "Oh great. They'll start him on Prozac any second. Then he'll never remember to feed me."

I found that it _is_ possible to squeegee your soaking wet clean dog, but only once. Ever. The claw marks will heal, I'm sure.

After a shower of this magnitude, what could be better than a good brushing? I didn't ask Tova this, of course, because the answer would have been too long and contain many words I know I haven't taught her yet.

I discovered it _is_ possible to use the slicka brush too much. The hair will regrow, I'm sure.

We are all a bit wiser now. There are 4 tons of 53 gravel in my driveway, waiting to be wheelbarrowed into the run. We are looking at getting warm water in the garage, and one of those shower spigot thingies. Tova knows that the brushing will go easier and nobody gets hurt if everyone remains calm.

My wife knows not to leave me home alone with the dog.